I feel like a zombie. I'm frozen in a state of depression that I thought I had left behind me. What's weird is, it has nothing to do with my own life. Just yesterday I learned some terrible news.
A girl I had graduated with lost her son. He was born with health issues and they had recently learned of some experimental, stem cell treatment that may or may not help. Our community held benefits upon benefits and raised money for them to take him to get the treatments (out of the country, due to the use of stem cells). I am not personally in contact with them, but have followed their journey through her facebook posts. When I saw her post yesterday, updating that he had passed, I felt sick. As I read through the posts today from supporting friends and family, I just sat and sobbed.
I am broken and heartsick for this family. This family that I don't even know. There isn't a damn thing I can do and it sucks. I'm sure that on some level this is dredging up some of my own grief that I have buried, but I don't even know how to start processing it. All I know is that I am too sad to even call someone to talk about it. I just want to sit and be sad for awhile. This blog is the closest I can come to communicating how I feel right now. Part of me wants to just call it a day and part of me wants to go out and get my drink on. I just want it to go away. I don't want to feel this way.